


Sparks of Love

by LozB4



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Firefighters, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Chicago fire au, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Friends to Lovers to Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mutual Pining, it's complicated ok
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:21:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28159695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LozB4/pseuds/LozB4
Summary: An Old Guard- Chicago Fire AUJoe and Nicky were once inseparable work partners but haven't spoken for years. When Nicky returns after a five year long hiatus, Joe is forced to confront his feelings for a man who has only become more charming during their time apart. They've both made mistakes but with some effort, and the (un-optional) aid of Nile, Booker and Captain Andy, they become worthy of the love the other has to offer.
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 24
Kudos: 94





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Oh look at me starting an entirely new fic, re-watching Chicago fire and ignoring the fic I've been promising my girlfriend for months.  
> I have a rough idea of where this is going but no clue how many chapters it will end up with, knowing my rate of procrastination of everything else I will have accumulated a few chapters by the end of this week which I will post when I can. The rating may get bumped up as we go as I intend to add a few brief injury descriptions that come with the field and a possible smut scene if I can overcome my awkwardness.  
> This chapter contains a brief mention of a minor, offscreen character death and mentions of an injury but in absolutely no detail.

Joe is practically asleep in his chair, his cup of coffee clutched loosely in his hands until a set of slim fingers grip around the edges of the cup and sleepily he slaps the offending hand away, glaring at Nile their EMT. "My coffee. Shoo!"

With a groan she slumps into the seat next to him, "But you have nice coffee! The stuff in there is gross."

"My coffee." Joe repeats, curling protectively around the cup and Nile pouts but makes no more attempts for the coffee. This has been a year long argument that shows no signs of stopping any time soon. Joe should really learn to just buy Nile a coffee. Booker appears next to them, placing two mugs of coffee down on the table then watching out across the fire station yard to where their colleagues are gradually filing in. He pushes a cup to Nile who grimaces but takes a few gulps, her gaze following Booker's to watch a tall pale skinned man who she has never seen before crossing the yard.

"Merde." Booker curses, "Joe close your eyes or something."

Nile looks at the man again, "Why who is he?"

"Joe's arch nemesis." Now Joe is looking, an exaggerated groan as he glares at the new comer.

Of course it would be him. How could it not be? Under the simmering rage and the sick feeling that has coiled around Joe's stomach he is furious to realise there is a longing there too. He hates this man. So why has he spent the last 5 years missing him?

"What is he doing here?"

"We're getting a new paramed remember?" Joe does briefly remember that. Why did it have to be that one though?

Nicky makes his way inside, looking around curiously, his pale blue eyes meeting Joe's who is still glaring at him. As the Lieutenant, Joe really needs to get up and greet him but does he have to?

"Joe." Nile hisses and Joe offers her a glare that probably tinges more on a miserable pout, then strolls over at a leisurely pace.

"Welcome to Firehouse 99, Di Genova."

"Hey Joe." Joe was expecting a greeting far more frosty, he did after all, slightly derail Nicky's career a few years ago. Not that he can be completely faulted for that. Just partly. Well 80% at fault. Pushing 85.

Unsettled by the easy greeting, Joe gestures for Nicky to follow him. "I uh- didn't realise you were coming here."

"Five years too late hmm?" Nicky replies, a calm, unnerving smile to Joe and there is the bite Joe was expecting. "You've done well for yourself _lieutenant_." Joe hates the fluster he feels, Nicky's voice is so icy cold and he hates the stab of guilt that accompanies it. _He would have done the same to me._

"Yeah- surprised I haven't seen you on calls if I'm honest."

"I haven't been in Chicago for four years. I was in New York." Joe remembers Nicky always wanting to see New York, before they were rivals they were friends.

"Why'd you come back?"

"My mother died." Joe turns to look at him properly and Nicky offers a little smile tinged with sadness, its a more vulnerable open moment and for a second Joe wants to drag him into a hug and cry out all the apologies that have built up inside him since the man set foot in the firehouse 5 minutes ago.

"Shit Nicky I'm so sorry- When?"

"Last month. I just got back from bereavement."

"Of course. Yeah. Yeah- anything you need for that let me know, I'm here to support you."

"I'm a paramed, you're my boss?"

"You fall under my command. You can also speak to Andy- the captain about anything. If you know- you don't want to talk to me." Nicky hums, he's not looking at Joe again, his gaze on the framed pictures on the wall. After 5 years, Joe features in most of them. He supposes if it hadn't turned out the way it did, it would be Nicky in these pictures, beaming with the people who have become Joe's family.

"I'm fine but thank you Joe."

"If you're sure."

Joe leads him over to the table where Booker, Nile, Lykon and Quynh now sit, all grimacing at the coffee in front of them, Joe takes a second to glare at Nile who smugly has his cup clutched between her hands.

"Everyone this is Nicky, some of you may know him, he and I trained together about 5 years back but he's been in New York for four years. Nicky, Nile here is your partner. I'll take you to meet Andy then let you get acquainted."

Andy is on the phone as Joe and Nicky slip into her office, she raises a finger for them to wait, confirming a few more names then hanging up. "You must be Nicolo di Genova."

"Yeah. Nicky is fine though." The woman nods, observing him carefully then gesturing for him to sit whilst Joe leans against the doorframe and watches the interaction. Andy flips through a file that was sitting prominently on her desk, it looks like it has already been thoroughly read, of course it has, it's Andy.

"You've been in New York for four years?"

"Yes- I was assured my training there was suitable for here."

"It is- more than maybe you're qualified to be a firefighter. Why aren't you?" Joe coughs awkwardly as Nicky's head tilts in his direction but his reply isn't the response Joe expected. 

"I was intended for firefighting but I got injured a while back. I'm all healed now but I'm quite happy as a paramedic. At least for now."

"Let me know if that changes, we'll have you on an engine in no time. Why don't you go meet the team? Joe stay."

"Yes ma'am." Joe mutters, seating himself with folded arms in Nicky's vacated spot. As the door clicks closed behind the other man, Andy fixes Joe with a terrifying regard.

"I know you have a history with him." She places the file down, her hand on top of it and flicking with a post-it note that has _JOE_ written in capitals and underlined several times.

"Do you know the history?"

"Not much. You climbed over him to get this job."

"Its not like that. It's-" He trails off. Its exactly like that. It just sounds bad out loud. 

"I don't care. It's the past and you're my best. For what its worth I'm glad you did. I need your professionalism on this though. I'll speak to Nicky too. Whatever happened in the past it needs to stay there, I need your heads in the game and a good working relationship."

"I can guarantee you'll get it. I'll talk to Nicky thought it's ok. I do owe him an apology I suppose."

Joe intends to go straight to Nicky and get it over with but he instead finds the man sitting at the table laughing away with the others, he knows Booker and Lykon from their days of training and Joe has always thought Quynh would adore Nicky, he supposes he's happy they get to meet now.

Plucking the remnants of his coffee from Nile's grasp he seats himself down, watching as the conversation continues without his input until that forever familiar siren echoes across the hall. "Firehouse 99. Engine 99, Squad 3, Ambulance 99. Vehicle collision."

"Lets go!" Joe commands, all of them rushing automatically for their posts and Joe takes an extra second to watch Nicky hurry after Nile, exchanging a quick nod with the woman before taking his spot in the truck.

Andy is thankfully on the call with them so Joe doesn't have to command everything, just oversee the workings and ensure a smooth operation. "Booker grab the jaws follow me, Nicky, Nile check for survivors in the red car. Control we need a second ambo." 

In the brief moment Joe gets to watch Nicky a wave of pride comes over him, he remembers Nicky like this, calm, methodical. His voice soft as he greets the victim in the gentlest way he can, Joe wants to laugh at the way the other man suppresses his strong accent as much as he can for ease of understanding. He remembers all those days riding in the ambulance with Nicky testing out accent variations and Joe making suggestions. They were once laughing so hard they had to stop. Thankfully they were on their way back from a call. With that memory warming him and the knowledge that Nicky has it under control he lets his attention go to the next problem at hand. 

Joe is so focussed on getting the car door open that he doesn't hear the screech of wheels behind him, Booker looking up with abstract horror as a body slams into Joe's, pushing him right up against the distorted metal of the already ruined car as a van skids harmlessly past, inches away.

Joe is aware of that familiar mop of brown hair pressed close under his nose, the light breeze wafting the smell of fresh baked bread that he recalls Nicky always smelling of. Nicky jumps back, an surprisingly guilty expression on his face for someone who just saved Joe's life before he nods then rushes off like nothing just happened. Joe watches him go for a few seconds until Andy yells his name and jerks him back to reality with a dazed apology.

They are all half watching the ambulances soar away, Joe's attention only pulled from the now distant flashing lights as Booker pats his back firmly, "You ok?"

"Yeah. Yeah lets wrap it up." Andy doesn't say anything as he passes but he could swear there is a smirk towards Quynh on her face as she goes. The woman is up to something. Joe is scared. 

Nicky and Nile return about 10 minutes after the trucks, Nile rushing to grab Joe’s arms whilst Nicky lingers off to the side, worried but distant as Nile shakes Joe lightly, “Are you ok? Joe you idiot, you almost died.”

“I’m ok Nile. I’m ok.” Lightly he kisses her forehead in a habit he's picked up over the years of treating her like a sister before looking up to smile thankfully at Nicky, about to ask to speak in his office when Chief Copley summons the Italian man and Nicky offers Joe that easy smile then trots off after the chief as the others slump into their chairs.

“Alright spill Joe. What’s the history? Booker has been alluding to it all morning and Nicky went all vague on me.” Nile demands, a foot extending to nudge against his shin as Joe flops back in his chair, rubbing a hand across his face.

“I don’t come across well in this story.”

“I'll still love you. Promise. Alright so why are you the one who hates him?”

“It’s complicated. Nicky and I used to be paramedics together, partners. Then we both trained to be firefighters and we were up for the same job. This job. Or well the candidate at 99. We went from best friends to rivals and it was rough. We stepped on each other’s backs, he almost got me fired once. In the end he earned the job fair and square, he was an excellent firefighter. Then on a call he got hurt, the spot on 99 was up in the air. If I’d left it he would have got the job when he came back from injury leave, but I made a case with Copley. Got the spot.”

Booker slams his hand on the table, “No no you missed the important part.”

Joe fixes him with a stern look, swiping a hand over his face.

“Towards the end Nicky called truce, said who got it, got it. It let us get back to what we were. And more. We kissed once, spoke of having a lot more and then there was a rumour he was just doing to disarm me and get the job. Same day I found out about the rumour, he got injured and I stepped on him to get the job.”

“Shit.” Nile murmurs, her eyes on Joe.

“I told you it’s not a good look on me.”

“But was he- did you ever find out if it was all fake?”

“I never saw him again.” Joe admits shamefully. “I never visited in hospital."

He bites his lip in shame, Nicky only contacted him once after that fateful day, a phone call that Joe never answered, he deleted the unopened voicemail after 2 years. Shaking his head Joe gets up and heads for the bathrooms, ignoring the looks thrown his way. He is still leaning on the sinks when Nicky enters holding a towel. "Do the showers work like normal showers or do they require magic abilities to get hot water? Remember that one in Firehouse 72?"

"Had to turn it 4 times, punch the wall once and then summon a demon to get even lukewarm water. You're in luck. You only have to summon Satan once to get these ones working."

"Oh is that all?" There's something so familiar in their joking that Joe wants to surge forward and cling to Nicky, spew out their inside jokes and listen to him laugh. _No. Bad Joe._

Nicky is just beginning to head towards the showers when Joe shifts, not blocking the way but his movement startles the other man enough to stop.

"Nicky- I... I need to apologise."

"You don't Joe." Joe shakes his head desperately, his hands flailing uselessly to hold onto Nicky.

"Of course I do. You were injured and alone and I should have been there- and even if I wasn't there for you. I shouldn't have stepped over you to get what I wanted. It was wrong- so wrong."

"I would have done the same to you." Nicky replies calmly and Joe takes a few seconds to process the words, shaking his head a little. "We were immature kids then Joe. I had no perspective of what really mattered back then. Its the past. I let it go a long time ago." He looks away from Joe's intense gaze for a second, his voice going rougher. "But whatever was between us? Whatever we could have been? I let that go too. And I will never. Ever. Look for it again."

Joe swallows hard. Had he been hoping for that? Did Nicky's presence alone make him forget all those years of hating him. Strangely he can't bear the thought of Nicky being that repulsed by him.

For a second they let the silence permeate between them until Joe ventures. "We're a long way from Firehouse 72. But I would like it if we could be friends again."

Finally Nicky gives him that dazzling smile that warms every part of Joe's body, his blue eyes twinkling as he nods, "I would like that."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe, Nicky and midnight chats. Plus Nicky sleeping in Joe's bed. Shame Joe isn't in it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a little filler chapter that I added in just for a bit of character development and the desire to see Joe and Nicky swapping beds. This contains an implied collision of a car hitting pedestrians but nothing is graphic and there is no death. There's a little bit of first aid mentioned which may or may not be correct anymore as its what I was taught as a first aider but I'm pretty sure its different in America and for trained EMTs

The day passes without any more near death experiences, like usual, the paramedics get called out far more than the trucks so Joe spends most of the afternoon in his office typing up reports and then digging through his desk until he finds the buried picture of Nicky and himself about 6 years ago, both of them beaming at the camera. His arm slung over Nicky's shoulder, Nicky's head tilted back slightly against him. He stares at it for a good few seconds, Nicky was right they were just kids back then.

He is still staring at the picture when Andy taps on the door and Joe drops the picture, pushing it under his desk with his foot. "Nothing!"

"What? Alright then- are you coming for lunch?"

"Yep. Yep. Yep." Andy just quirks her eyebrow at him then shakes her head.

"You and Nicky talked?"

"Yeah. We're all good."

"So which of you was the dick, I'm curious?"

"Me for certain. Nicky I don't know."

"You've hated him for long enough he must be at least part dick.”

“What I did was pure and utter wrong. What he did was a rumour that I never bothered to verify.”

Andy tilts her head slightly as if waiting for him to continue but Joe makes no effort to so she instead continues, “I thought you'd be at each other's throats but so far you've joked around and he's saved your life."

"I still- I don't hate him I suppose, he was my friend for so long and it just hurt to lose him. I guess I confused the hurt for hate. We won't get back what we had- and I don't want it but yeah. Its nice to have him around again."

In the middle of the night Joe wakes slightly hungry from his skipped dinner (because of an apartment fire) and on light feet creeps past the bunks of his sleeping colleagues into the kitchen. His surprise at being met by Nicky sitting cross legged at the table counting out bandages, plasters and antiseptic wipes causing him to slam back into the door he just closed so quietly and distantly he hears Andy yelling, "Shut the fuck up." Before silence descends again. Nicky just looks mildly amused as he resumes counting, his lips moving as he places out the packets of disposable gloves into the first aid box closest to him.

"Nicky. Hey."

"Evening- or more like morning?"

"Timeless void." Joe replies, shuffling past him to the fridge to dig out what was left of the lasagne he painstakingly potted up before his shift. "What are you doing up?"

"I couldn't get to sleep- new place- new people. Anyway Andy mentioned the first aid kits in here needed replenishing and I figured it would be really bad if our firefighters died in the firehouse because there were no bandages in the first aid kit."

"Like you'd let that happen." Nicky scoffs quietly,

"You're an EMT too you know."

"Training is a bit outdated. Haven't needed it since I-" He trails off, speaking about the job and his success feels like bragging, even more so to a man who rightfully deserved success in his place. Nicky must however know where it is going because he replies almost breezily.

"Why would you- you really hated being an EMT." Its a dig. Joe knows it. Nicky knows it. Hell the sleepy security guard who may one day watch the CCTV clip knows it. Hyper aware of the tension now Joe clears his throat as Nicky sighs deeply, he almost sounds annoyed but Joe is comforted by the fact its not at him.

"That was immature I'm sorry. Pass that please?" Joe pushes the tray of bandages at Nicky then slumps in the seat opposite and begins digging into the cold pasta, ignoring Nicky's grimace at his early morning eating habits. "You haven't improved." He mutters under his breath and Joe lets out an indignant squawk.

"Its not pot noodle so don't start."

Nicky shuts each first aid box with a click then vanishes off to wherever they came from, returning to his seat and then looking back with obvious hesitation into the sleeping quarters. Joe considers his next move for a good minute before gesturing with his fork to the room. "Sleep in my office tonight I have my own bed in there away from the others."

"Why?"

"Well cause I'm lieutenant."

"No I mean why are you letting me sleep in your bed?"

"Well because we're asking you to sleep in a room full of strangers. I need you fully rested. Go. Shoo.”

Nicky slowly walks away towards the bunks, casting a few looks back to Joe as he goes before vanishing beyond the door.

Joe follows him through about 15 minutes later, briefly passing his office and smiling at the sight of Nicky fast asleep, his hand fisted into the pillow. It sends a flush of warmth through him at the sight. Does Joe want that? Nicky sleeping in his bed? Shut up Joe.

He settles in Nicky’s empty spot, burrowing his nose into the covers that smell like Nicky’s washing powder. He likes that smell. Too much.

Shut up Joe. 

It takes him ages to fall asleep, his head thrumming over the reignited memory of Nicky's betrayal. Or presumed betrayal. He wishes there was a way to slip inside Nicky's head and find out the truth. Unfortunately that would be called asking him and Joe isn't going to do that.

As with Joe's usual luck he manages to slip into a sleep of 10 minutes before the siren jars him awake again. "Firehouse 99. Engine 99, Ambulance 99. Pedestrian collision."

As the truck pulls up at the accident scene Joe leaps out and observes the carnage. At least 6 victims, 7 including the driver who's car has ended smashed into a fence. "Booker, Lykon get the driver in a neck brace. Nicky, Nile triage the victims tell me what you need."

He largely leaves Nicky and Nile to the main injuries, darting between the others with blankets and leaving them a firefighter each until Booker shouts over. "Joe you'll have to get police here. Driver is drunk."

"Got it. Does he need hospital?"

"No he's fine."

"Control I need 5 more ambulances and a police patrol."

"Copy 66."

"Joe!" Joe's head whirls round at the sound of Nicky's voice, the man is hunched over a victim, his hands pressing tightly on his wound. Instantly Joe breaks into a run, flinging himself down next to them,

"What's wrong?"

"I need to start CPR, if I take my hands off you need to-"

"I can do CPR."

"30:2"

"I know." Joe focusses only on counting the chest compressions and rescue breaths whilst Nicky works around him, their synchronisation almost unnerving because its been 5 years yet they work together like it has been only minutes. Joe hasn't missed being an EMT in all these years. Now he longs for it again.

He brushes the thought back. Does he long for it because its familiar? Because he's good at it? Because its Nicky next to him?

Shut up Joe. 

He is sitting in his office again by the time Nicky returns from dropping the victim at hospital, a sleeping frown on his face as he enters the office then notices Joe sitting at the chair and his expression shifts to startled. "Sorry I just thought-"

"No, no you're good. Get back to sleep. I'm just going." Uncertainly Nicky toes off his boots and settles back under the covers, his eyes closed but of course he isn't asleep. Joe keeps writing up his report, his jaw clenched to stop him blurting out the question that burns at the front of his mind. Eventually he bites it back enough to comment instead, "We make a good team."

Nicky scoffs quietly and Joe regrets saying that almost instantly as the other man replies. "We always did. Not that it mattered." He slides from the bed, shoving his feet back in his boots and slipping from the room, "Goodnight Joe."

Joe doesn't get back to sleep that night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Much softness, Joe invites Nicky to Andy and Quynh's bar then ends up driving him home and staying to help Nicky cope with his grief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I meant to post these chapters 3 days ago but I've been working 9 hour shifts all week and I come home and practically pass out. But please accept my double update. I wanted to focus a bit on the obvious fondness between Nicky and Joe. I worry that I haven't created enough conflict but in my experience of complicated adult relationships there is a lot of fondness between the conflict, simply because there is a lot of love pocketed away in there. I also wanted to give a little focus to Nicky's grief which I will keep returning too but I will try to keep it contained within specific chapters so anyone who doesn't want to read it doesn't have to. This chapter contains a character grieving the loss of his mother.

The shift ends slightly less eventfully than it started as the second watch filter in and Joe trails out of the firehouse after Nicky who is checking his phone. In the grand scheme of things its only been 4 hours since their last conversation but it feels tense between them again and Joe loathes it. This friendship business is going really well. Probably a stupid idea in the first place. 

Does Joe even want to be friends with him? 

Would Nicky have slept with him for his career?

Joe doesn't really want to know the answer.

But he really does.

He knows he will see Nicky in 2 days but he's desperate to make any form of small communication before he goes. "So did you like your first shift?" 

Nicky squints up at the sky slightly, probably taking a second to form a cohesive answer in English before nodding, "It was good. Aside from the drug addict who vomited at me." Both of them look down with a grimace at Nicky's boots which caught the brunt of the offence.

"Yeah... I'll give it to you, not the best first day."

Something sparks across Nicky's eyes as he smiles, "Couldn't be as bad as our actual first day hmm?" 

"Don't remind me- no actually don't, that's repressed." Nicky lets out a burst of laughter, finishing with a cute little snort that Joe has to will himself to ignore. They continue walking and Joe swears he can see Nicky's banged up old car from 5 years ago sitting outside but surely not. "Nicky is that-"

"Its fine."

"It was on its last legs 5 years ago!" Protectively Nicky runs his hand over the metal of his bonnet. 

"Its a survivor." 

"Its probably a health hazard."

"Its in perfect condition." Nicky tosses his bag into the back seat and fishes out the keys which are so outdated he has to physically put them in the lock as opposed to clicking a button. With a teasing smile Joe nudges a dent with his foot.

"I can see."

"Beauty is within. It runs perfectly." Joe rolls his eyes at the very Nicky phrase, his hand running over a scratch on the wheel arch until Nicky slaps it away with a mock glare. 

"Please don't tell me you took this to New York."

"No its been at my mother's house since I left. She wouldn't drive it for some reason. The words health hazard came up in that conversation too." 

"How coincidental." Joe drawls, "Is that where you're staying? Her house?" Joe and Nicky once shared a flat, for almost two years, it was the easiest living arrangement of Joe's life, compared now to Booker and his melancholy drinking habits. 

"Yes but I have a buyer for it. I need to get everything packed up or sold."

"Well you have a firehouse of firefighters at your disposal if you need some heavy lifting." 

"Thank you Joe. Although I should be ok." Joe nods, not going to push because from memory Nicky will have a system of doing things and if 12 firefighters are introduced to that system, chaos will divulge and the Italian will probably have a breakdown. 

"Alright well if you can take a break from packing, Andy and Quynh own a bar that we all go to most nights. It would be nice to see you there. 'The Guard'." 

Nicky nods, "Of course I'll be there." 

Most of the others have already gathered by the time Joe arrives, late because he got roped into babysitting his nieces for most of the day. It took an hour to wipe the make up off his face and pluck out the startlingly pink hair bands and clips from his curls. "Hey hey everyone." 

Andy slides a lemonade across the bar to him as he sits by Nile, the bar is crowded tonight, a Friday of course business will be good. "Any show of Nicky?" He asks to Andy who shakes her head. 

"No why?"

"I invited him here tonight."

"And he's here." Comes Nicky's voice over his shoulder as he plops himself into the last available bar stool on Joe's left. 

"Nicky! Welcome to The Guard!" Quynh greets cheerfully, "First drink is on the house, what are you having?" 

"A beer is fine." Nicky says with a nod as Joe mumbles towards him, 

"You hate beer."

"Shush." He reaches behind Joe's head, a little tug on Joe's hair that sends tingles down his back before Nicky drops a small pink clip into Joe's palm. "Trying out a new style? I like it." 

"Yeah I thought pink was my colour. My nieces-"

"How are they?" For a second Joe's brain stalls then he remembers. Of course Nicky knows his nieces, he delivered one on their apartment floor eight years go. 

"Good. Good. Aalia wants to be a firefighter like Uncle Joe when she grows. You can imagine Maryam wants to kill me for that. Zahra at the moment wants to be a hairdresser hence my new style." 

"Zahra is their youngest?"

"Not anymore. They had a little boy 6 months ago now. I'll have to get them to stop by the firehouse soon. You know Aalia still remembers you?" 

Nicky looks at him properly, eyes confused, "Really?"

"Yeah. Yeah she remembers Uncle Nicky and his nose."

"Shut up Joe." Nicky mutters fondly, his fingers unconsciously rubbing against the bridge of his nose. 

"She remembers your bread too. Sometimes asks me to get some."

"Then I will have to make." Quynh slides Nicky's beer across the bar to him and he takes a sip, hiding his grimace behind the lip of the cup. Joe knocks his side, "Why are you drinking beer?" 

"Didn't want to make a fuss." Joe rolls his eyes fondly, 

"Quynh likes fuss." He pulls a note from his wallet and pushes it to Quynh. "Quynh go wild. Make him the most complicated thing you know how to make."

"Joe no-" Nicky complains but Quynh's eyes have already lit up as she grabs the cocktail shaker.

"With pleasure."

10 minutes later Quynh sets down a still burning cocktail in front of Nicky who looks with wide eyes to Joe who is smirking. "Its a specialty here." She says proudly. "I call it Firefighter's nemesis. Joe just likes watching it." 

By 11pm it is just Nicky left when Joe returns from the bathroom, Andy and Quynh are there of course but preoccupied with the bar, and each other. “Where did everyone go?” 

“Booker and Nile just left and Lyon? He is over there trying to pick someone up.”

“Good on him. Wait why did Booker leave with Nile? I’m the one who lives with Booker.” Nicky gives Joe his most confused look, his head shaking slightly. “You really don’t know?”

“Know what?”

“They did say you were oblivious. They were right.”

“Know what?” Nicky tries to keep his face straight but Joe knows his tells, the corner of is mouth twitching before breaking into a wide grin accompanied by a chortling laugh. “Nicky!”

“Nothing.” He tries to school his face again and Joe lightly shoves him then picks up his coat. 

“If you’re not going to tell me I’m abandoning you here. Alone with that pair.” He points at Andy and Quynh who stick their tongues out as Nicky hastily leaps off the bar stool and hurries after Joe. “Booker and Nile are having relations. Don’t leave me.”

“What?!

“That’s all I know. I don’t know how you didn’t know.”

“Shut up Nicky.” Nicky pouts and without thinking Joe brings a hand up to brush against his outcropping lip before realising himself and jerking back, shoving his hand hastily in his pocket as Nicky laughs faintly, biting his lip for a second then looking around. 

“Which way are you going?”

“Uh to my car over there. Benefits of not drinking. Come on I’ll give you a ride home. I bet I can still remember where your Mom’s house is.” 

“What are you betting?” Nicky asks, a cheeky smile back on his face. Joe should have remembered Nicky will take anyone up on a bet.

“One of your garlic focaccias against a batch of my doughnuts."

"Alright deal. But I'm not helping at all. I'm going to close my eyes and not give anything away." 

Nicky hops into the passenger seat, on instinct buckling his seatbelt as Joe starts the car and switches on the heated seats to Nicky's happy moan. "See these are the benefits of modern cars Nicky. That plus engines that actually work." 

"My car works fine." 

True to his word Nicky sits with his eyes closed, so still Joe could almost be convinced he is sleeping but occasionally he catches a twitch of Nicky's lips when he makes a turn. Of course he is keeping track with his eyes closed. Of course he is. 

He may take 3 detours but Joe pulls up behind Nicky's battered old car outside the traditional old house which is set back a little from the street, the garden isn't the pristine beauty Joe remembers, instead wild and untamed but with little hints that suggest care once upon its lifetime. Nicky is following his gaze to the garden, a distant look that Joe has never seen on the man's face before. "Mama loved her garden- I've messed it up I think- I've messed up a lot." Joe turns to face Nicky fully, his eyes searching the other man's face. He's amazed his former partner is so collected, Joe knows he wouldn't be a month after his mother's death. Joe doesn't want to think how he would be. Nicky's mother was Nicky's only family, his Dad vanished when he was a little over four years old. 

"I'm sure you didn't Nicky." 

Nicky closes his eyes, a deep breath drawn into his lungs before he smiles again. "I miss her a lot." 

"I know." Joe lets the silence continue between them, leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes. He learned long ago that it is easier to let Nicky make the decisions when he's feeling vulnerable. If he wants to stay for Joe's company he can, if he wants to leave he can. It seems he choses to stay because he makes no attempt to leave the car and when Joe checks his face again his eyes are closed as they were before, just with no hint of a smile. 

"So do I get my focaccia now?" Joe figures it is an easy enough way to get himself invited inside, he knows Nicky shouldn't be alone with whatever is going on in his head. Nicky opens one eye to look at him, a sleepy look over taking the sorrow on his face.

"Not your winnings but I have some in the freezer." 

There are boxes everywhere as they enter and Nicky drops his keys into a smaller cardboard box that seems to be compensating for a key bowl before vanishing off in the direction of the kitchen. "So do you have a place to move into?" 

"Yeah, found a house a bit like this but smaller a few streets over. I was able to buy it straight away with what my mother left me. The money from this house will go in my savings I suppose." 

"Why not stay in this one?" 

Nicky looks up at the ceiling, his gaze on the dusty lightshade. "Didn't want to be alone in a big empty house. Exactly like my mother was." Joe's fingers stretch a little, almost touching Nicky's before he draws them back, shifting instead to be in Nicky's gaze. "She still loved him you know- my father. He wasn't good for her and from whatever I can remember she wasn't good for him but she still loved him. He died the day before her. Her friends think she died of a broken heart." 

"Nicky I- shit I'm so sorry."

"I was still in New York- I spoke to her- I just spoke to her and-"Joe shifts forward a little, his hand reaching out into the emptiness but this time Nicky notices it and without any fanfare or fuss he reaches across and takes it, squeezing Joe's hand with that familiar warmth and strength. It takes just a few seconds for his composure to come back, his chest huffing as he takes a few deep breaths then gives a weak smile. "Thank you Yusef." 

"Any time Nico. You're not alone." 

They end up on the sofa, an Italian movie on the TV, Joe learned rudimentary Italian when he lived with Nicky, a combination of curses, basic sentences and mainly the things Nicky asked for whilst he was cooking. None of these things give him enough knowledge to follow the plot so he instead leans at the opposite end of the sofa from Nicky, his feet on the other man's lap. 

Joe thinks he sleeps for a bit, the weight of Nicky's hands against his shins is nice, he wakes to the contrast of the once loud TV turning off to the silence that follows. He cracks an eye open to find Nicky already looking towards him and smiles, "Want me to get out of your hair?"

"You're not bothering me." Joe doesn't really know where to go from there so he just closes his eyes again, letting the silence permeate between them whilst the questions rage in his head. 

"Nicky?"

"Yeah?"

"Was anything between us real?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicky answers Joe's question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slowly slides this at you and whispers 'Merry Christmas'. Hehe sorry about this one, had to be done. Hope everyone has had a good day however you spent it.

"Was anything between us real?"

Nicky is silent for a long minute, in which Joe's heart practically beats out his chest. With a troubled frown Nicky turns to look at him, his eyes open and honest.

"Everything."

Well shit.

If everything that was between them was real then what he did to Nicky was for no reason. And if he did that for no reason then the 5 years apart were also for no reason. They could have been married by now. A house with a white picket fence and maybe a dog.

Shit.

"There was a rumour." Nicky continues, "That I was with you to lower your guard."

"Yes- but Nicky I thought that was true, that's why I- the day you got hurt someone told me that. But Nico if I'd known it was- Everything we had and I threw it away for nothing." The words spill out of Joe's mouth as he reaches for Nicky's hands which are pulled away from his reach suddenly

"Joe that rumour was true."

Joe pulls his own hands back abruptly, his eyes searching Nicky's. "Why? You just said. You just said-"

"I didn't lie- everything I felt for you was real. But I- I wanted the job more."

"So you did- you used me?"

"No! No- I... God it doesn't sound better. I meant to. I didn't know you felt the same way about me. I just thought if we kissed or slept together you'd be distracted. But you wanted more and then so did I."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"What?"

"I said. Why didn't you tell me?" Joe's voice goes so stony cold he doesn't recognise it.

"And say what? Joe I was going to sleep with you to cheat you out of the job you wanted more than anything but I fell in love with you and wanted to spend my life with you?"

"Yeah that would have been a nice place to start Nicolo." Joe leaps to his feet, his shoes making a harsh smack against the floor and Nicky flinches, getting up with far less grace than Joe has ever seen him with.

"Joe please."

"Don't. Don't Nicky. Just-" Joe holds his hand out but this time it is to stop Nicky coming closer.

"I thought for all these years you believed the rumour. Why does the truth make it any worse?"

"Because you loved me! You loved me and you hurt me. Fuck you- fuck you. For 5 years I've been the asshole- well congratulations. Now its you. I'll see you at work."

Joe rips the door open and hurries down the steps, he hears Nicky following but the footsteps don't follow down the path so he takes a few seconds to collect himself before getting back into his car and tearing off down the street.

Booker of course isn't home when Joe gets in so Joe slumps down onto the sofa, his hand over his face as he exhales deeply. He is still there when Booker saunters in at 7am, the cheer falling out his step as he sets eyes on Joe. "You look far more miserable than I would expect someone who went home with Nicky to."

"I didn't go home with Nicky."

"Are you sure?"

"I took him home. You went home with Nile. There's a difference."

"Oh you know about that."

"I do indeed." Booker looks a combination of smug and guilty but sits next to Joe, sitting down with his head on Joe's shoulder and gazing up at him like a devoted dog.

"So you 'took Nicky home'."

"Yeah. I drove him home. Slept on his sofa then had a horrific fight with him."

"Fight as in punching or fight as in yelling?"

"Yelling."

"I'm sorry Joe."

Nicky is already at work when Joe arrives, his eyes tracking Joe as he crosses across the station into the locker room but neither makes any attempt at conversation, Nicky spending any time in the station as far as possible from Joe. Joe himself just looks away any time Nicky enters a room, clearly often enough because Andy smacks Joe's arm after the third time. "What did you do?"

"Ask him." Joe spits out and in response Andy swears, groans, then burrows her face into Quynh's shoulder.

Joe successfully manages to avoid Nicky until 3pm when he enters the showers and Nicky is there, hunched over the sink, his hands gripping the cold porcelain. Their eyes meet through the mirror and for a few seconds Joe doesn't move, his eyes locked with that ice blue.

"Firehouse 99. Engine 99, Ambulance 99. Building collapse."

Well that's a good excuse not to talk.

Joe barely needs to interact with Nicky on the call, as angry as he is, he will admit that Nicky knows what he is doing.

Joe elects to keep most of his team out of the collapsed building, its the safest way, Booker and Lykon are at the other side and it is just Joe crawling through the rubble.

That is until he finds a victim.

"I need a paramedic in here."

Of course it is Nicky who comes. He's the one trained as a firefighter after all.

Joe stays crouched by Nicky as he bandages and treats the victim. "Joe, neck brace."

"Yep. Ready to get him out?"

"Good to go."

Joe speaks quickly into the radio, "Quynh I need the stretcher in here."

"On my way."

Above them the concrete creaks and Joe glances up, "Nicky we have to go."

"No- neck injury. Can't move him."

"Nicky..." Joe says nervously, looking at the slowly spreading crack. "Nicky we have to go."

Nicky follows his gaze, "Yeah I-"

The ceiling makes a louder grunt and without a second thought Joe flings himself at Nicky, his body curving over Nicky's vulnerable head and neck, the victim hidden under them both as a chunk of concrete first hits Joe's back, which hurts but his thick coat takes the worst of it.

That is until the next one hits his head.

"Joe!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe's flashbacks to moments of his life with Nicky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I may have left you on a cliffhanger and I will again. I present to you Joe's flashbacks, obviously as this is the past, the last flashback isn't so much a cliffhanger but I am slightly sorry. Slightly. Feat. Nicky and Joe meeting, Nicky napping on Joe, Joe and Nicky moving in together, Nicky and Joe fighting and Nicky's accident.  
> This chapter contains a brief description of a lead up to a character injury, nothing detailed.

"Kaysani come meet your new partner." Joe looks up from the incident report he was filling in. 

"Yes sir." 

Trotting after the chief, Joe follows him through the firehouse to where a tallish man with mousy brown hair and sea-foam blue eyes waits, a scruffy beard gracing his face. "This is Nicolo Genoa. Nicolo this is Yusef Kaysani. Get to know each other." With that brief introduction the chief walks away and Nicolo clears his throat then speaks in a strong but understandable accent.

"Nicolo Di Genova. He missed out the- sorry sorry that sounds so pedantic." Joe laughs, 

"No, no don't worry about it. I'm Yusef Al-Kaysani. He hasn't remembered the Al since I met him. I go by Joe." 

Nicky holds out his hand, a warm but not overly wide smile on his face, "Nicky."

"Nice to meet you Nicky.

\---

The first time Nicky falls asleep with his head resting on Joe's shoulder, Joe knows he's done for. Utterly and completely. There's an innocence to it, a peace and trust on Nicky's face that he can't explain. Even when he shifts them on the firehouse sofa, Nicky doesn't stir, his head resting even further if possible into Joe's neck, an arm slinging across his waist. Most devastating of all of course is the little smile that appears on Nicky's face in his sleep. 

Joe just pretends not to see Booker's smug look. 

For once it is not the siren that wakes them, instead the night passes peacefully, the firefighters around them slowly filtering from the room and away to the bunks, Booker ruffling Joe's hair as he passes by accompanied by a wink. 

Eventually Joe manages to escape Nicky's sleepy grip and stand, ducking back down to scoop Nicky up and carry him towards the bunks. The chief is the last in the room, watching with eagle eyes that Joe doesn't quite trust. "You'll make a good firefighter some day Kaysani." 

Joe hasn't really considered that career path yet, its been mentioned, a common path for EMTs who work in fire stations. Joe can't really consider the thought of not being partnered with Nicky, the thought of being away from Nicky, there's no guarantee they'd get the same station. 

"Thank you sir." 

If Joe kisses Nicky's forehead after placing him into bed, no one has to know. 

If Nicky feels Joe kissing his forehead, no one has to know.

\---

"My lease is coming up on my flat." Joe hums at Nicky's comment, his eyes more on the road as he steers through traffic. They're just back from one of the calls Joe hates the most, one that involves a lot of overenthusiastic bystanders so one paramedic has to spend most of their time keeping them back. That paramedic today was Joe, Nicky is far more talented at intubation. 

"Joe?" Joe hums again at Nicky's prompt, this time adding a questioning note to his tone. "My lease is coming up and you were saying on Tuesday that you wanted to find a flatmate because you were lonely. I know we spend a lot of time together, you're well within your rights to say no but-"

"Yes! I'd love to live with you." Joe exclaims, finally catching on and Nicky laughs but Joe sees his shoulders slump in relief. 

"You can think about it you know?"

"I don't need to. You're my best friend."

Nicky moves into Joe's flat a month later, he only has about 5 boxes of stuff, one of which contains entirely his work uniforms. They celebrate his moving in with a Chinese take away and sit on their sofa squabbling over prawn crackers. Joe can't pretend that he doesn't feel a burst of warmth when he passes Nicky's bedroom that night, just knowing that Nicky is there on the other side of the door. 

\---

"I got offered to train as a firefighter." Joe hates this comment far more than the last significant one Nicky gave whilst he was driving. 

"Yeah?"

"I accepted. I mean it probably won't mean anything- positions are really hard to come by but I'd like to try. I'm sorry if it-"

"I also got that offer."

"Oh."

"I accepted it too. Guess we'll be training together again."

"We'll still get to spend a lot of time together Joe." Nicky comforts and Joe nods, swallowing thickly at all the thoughts in his mind. 

"Yeah. I know." 

Whatever Joe thought was bad there, competing with Nicky for a spot is worse. Because they both want it so much and they're both too stubborn to let it go. 

Nicky moves out after their third argument about it, Nicky moves in with Booker for a while and it feels like a custody battle because Joe can't visit Booker without seeing Nicky and Booker always seems to feel guilty when he visits Joe and leaves Nicky at home alone. 

The separation from Nicky is more painful than any breakup of Joe's life. Even if they spend 24 hours together every shift that easy peace is so absent it aches physically in Joe's heart. 

\---

"Joe I don't want to fight anymore." 

Joe pauses in writing on the inventory sheet he was filing. 

"Do you want to give up?" Nicky gives him a glare. 

"No. I want to let the fates take it. Whoever deserves the job will get it. We should just let it be. No tricks or games anymore." 

"So you won't try to get me fired again?"

"You broke protocol Joe."

"Yeah like you have a thousand times! You're infuriating."

"So are you! Joe I'm so tired. So so tired of fighting with you. I want this job but I don't want to lose my best friend."

"Is that what we are?"

"Joe." 

Joe sighs deeply then holds his hand out for Nicky to shake, "Truce?"

"Truce." 

\---

There is a ringing in Joe's ears as he continues to eavesdrop on the conversation on the other side of the shower room. "I swear it, Nicky is just playing Joe. Everyone knows the kid is crafty, probably too smart for Joe."

"Oh come on Joe's just as smart as Nicky. Nicky is just less... Emotional about it. Poor Joe though." 

"Yeah. Nicky never deserved him." Joe wants to burst through the door and tell them they are wrong, Nicky more than deserves him but his legs are locked to the floor. If that is true, if Nicky is playing him for the sake of a job he doesn't deserve Joe. 

His next point of action is Nicky, or should be were it not for the call out. 

They have to work separately, distantly Joe feels Nicky's hand brush against his as he hurries past him, the bag slung over his shoulder. If Joe was more aware and the harrowing feeling in his stomach was less present he might have noticed how dangerous the area Nicky just walked into was. 

Joe becomes distantly aware of the shouts nearby and looks up from his patient, it is Booker who is shouting, not at Joe, Joe makes sure of that first but it is Nicky's name that is being shouted by several of the firefighters around them and then Joe truly pays attention. 

Nicky is crouched by a victim, an electric pole hanging more and more precariously over him, secured only by a single remaining wire at the ends of its strength, even from where he is Joe can here the individual wires within it snapping. What is worse is the live wires all around him, sparks flashing dangerously near spilled oil. 

"Nicky." The name slips from Joe's mouth involuntarily as he stares at the other man, willing him to look up and he does. 

In all the years Joe has known Nicky he's never seen him truly afraid. 

Now he radiates fear. 

"Nicky stay still!" Booker is commanding, already preparing to go get him and Nicky, ever obedient does, his eyes never leaving Joe's and Joe allows him this comfort. Joe realises now that he would give up the job without a second thought, just to know that Nicky will be ok. 

The pole falls and Joe can hear nothing but his own screams.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe and Nicky talk (argue) whilst trapped in rubble and then take their arguing outside to a conveniently romantic starry night. Ah yes, and those pesky love confessions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wellll look who is back. Turns out working full time hours on top of full time university is time consuming, who could have guessed? Anyway, finally got back to this fic and I hopefully will get into a regular schedule of posting. As always please enjoy!
> 
> tw: for the first half of this chapter Joe and Nicky are trapped in a collapsed building, there's nothing greatly described so if you have claustrophobia like me you should be ok, one character has a dislocated shoulder which is fixed (probably inaccurately), other than that just a bit of swearing

Joe startles awake, there was a warm hand pressed against the pulse on his neck but it is knocked away at his movement. There is a bleary haze for a minute, his eyesight hasn't cleared and its dark anyway so he is left grasping about, completely confused in the dark until a hand grabs his. "Joe listen to me- listen- it's ok. Its ok. Just breathe. Breathe."

Deeply Joe inhales and exhales, listening to Nicky's voice until his vision starts to settle again, the ringing in his ears clearing to a dull thrum. "What- what happened?" He asks roughly, clearing his throat at the end of the question and grimacing at the dusty taste it brings up.

"Rubble fell on you- you're lucky you were wearing your helmet and you know, you have a thick skull."

"You have a thick skull." Joe mutters into the dark and Nicky snorts softly,

"I heard that."

"Good." Joe sits up again, looking around in the dim light projected by Nicky's torch. He doesn't want to admit it but his first check over is of Nicky who appears mainly unharmed, there are a few scratches on his hands but given that he seems to have pulled Joe from the rubble that is only understandable. His next look is to their surroundings. Precarious at best but they're still alive and in a relatively stable gap between two levels of collapsing ceiling. His gaze goes to their patient who is by some miracle or more accurately, Nicky's talent, still alive. "How is he?"

With a displeased look Nicky hums, "Broken back I think. But he's still breathing so there's something."

"Any communication?" Joe asks, looking over the final thing he has to check over, which is himself. Given a building fell on top of him, not bad. Though he doesn't want to think about how sore his shoulder is.

"I've tried radioing. Don't think they heard, or if they did we're not getting the response. There's a bit of chatter over the lines but I can't pick it up."

Joe coughs again, "You have any water?"

"My bag, bottom left." Nicky replies, shifting away to crouch over the patient and Joe staggers to a slightly more upright position.

"Agh- oh god what's wrong with my arm?!"

"Oh should have mentioned that- sorry- my fault- dislocated shoulder. I can fix it I just needed you conscious first." He uncaps a bottle of water and places it in Joe's good hand. "Drink."

Joe drinks slowly, if only to delay the inevitable as Nicky gently feels around the joint. "Sit." He commands, a gentle hand guiding Joe down. "It won't take a second, talk about something."

"Are you sure you know what you're do-" Nicky fixes Joe with a glare so terrifying the words die in his mouth and he wracks his brain for something to say. "I dreamed about when we met."

"Hmm." Nicky prompts, there's pressure on his shoulder now and Joe fights the urge to hurl a few expletives at Nicky in Arabic, he would just reply some back after all. Why did he teach Nicky Arabic?

"You had a beard back then." Nicky scoffs quietly and Joe is glad of it because it disguises his whimper.

"Not much of a beard. Stubble."

"I liked it- what happened to it?"

"Well I met you and your magnificent beard and decided not to even compete."

Joe bolsters a little, "Magnificent."

"Shut up Joe." There is an increased pressure on his arm and Joe releases a strangled moan.

"If you wanted me to shut up there are nicer ways. We moved in together- that night- with Chinese food and that god awful movie. That was the happiest night of my life. Sad. Isn't it?" Nicky doesn't reply, finally rotating Joe's arm and pushing it back into its socket with a pop and Joe's scream.

"Shit!"

"Sorry. Better?" Joe considers the slowly diluting burning pain that is leeching away.

"A bit."

They sit in a frosty silence after, Nicky monitoring the victims pulse and Joe watching him with a sleepy regard. After a while Nicky scrubs a hand over his face then shuffles back to sit next to Joe, accepting Joe's head on his shoulder with a smile.

"I don't think its sad." He finally replies, Joe instantly knowing what he is talking about again, it is a way of continuing conversations that Joe has only known in fellow firefighters or paramedics, they are after all so often interrupted. "It was the happiest night of my life after all."

"What sad little lives huh? Happiest night of my life was with the man I hate." Nicky doesn't reply, he doesn't have to the tensing of every muscle Joe was leaning into is enough of an acknowledgement. Joe supposes he might also deserve the hand that comes up and shoves his head off Nicky's shoulder.

"Ow."

"Oh you're fine." Nicky mutters, pulling away to fiddle with his radio again. "For the record I still don't think its sad because it proves you were capable of loving at least something more than yourself."

"Right back at you!"

Over the radio in Nicky's hand Booker's voice crackles, "Its ok guys I've found them- no as long as they don't kill each other in the meantime." 

\---

Once Booker is standing next to Joe again, the victim being hurried off in an ambulance and Nicky sulking off at some distance, Booker asks, "Do I want to know?"

"No."

"Then I will not ask."

In synchronisation all their radios crackle to life and the alert for another callout goes around as Andy walks over. "Nicky and Joe you're both signed off for the rest of the night, Joe actually for the rest of the week. We're going to the call, Nicky take Joe home in Copley's car and then drop the car back at the station."

"With pleasure boss." Nicky mutters, gliding past to accept the keys and not waiting for Joe as he starts walking for the car.

"If I go missing-" Joe begins before Booker cuts him off with a laugh,

"You'll be fine. Talk it out- kiss it out- fuck it out. I don't care."

The ride home is almost in silence, Nicky occasionally asking for directions then sinking back into a state of icy distain, Joe feels practically locked in the tension. Deciding that with a week off and Nicky clearly in a mood for arguing, the best time to finish the argument is now.

"Who ever said I loved you?" It doesn't get the big reaction he was searching for from Nicky who just turns down another street, adjusting the mirror slightly.

"Nobody. You didn't need to. You made me cups of tea, you let me warm my feet up under your legs, you bought me a blanket when I didn't even tell you I was cold, you wore that god awful scarf I knitted for you for 2 years, you carried me to bed, you taught me to dance, you stood up for me against anyone, even when you shouldn't have. You smiled at me like I was the whole world. You never told me and I never said it back. But god Joe I know you loved me. Maybe as much as I loved you."

Joe doesn't know what to say, he doesn't know how to say it even if he did he think the words would stick in his throat. Nicky's words around him are like a swarm and he ducks his head down towards his knees. "Stop the car, let me out."

The car stops in a car park over looking the river, the twinkling lights of the city across the water and instantly Joe is out of it, Nicky behind him as he staggers along the pathway, one hand clutching the cool metal railing. "Joe- Hey." Nicky manages, very easily Joe supposes, to get in front of him, his eyes warm and steady in the darkness. "Joe its ok. Please-"

"I love you." Now it is Nicky's turn to stall, his hand at first flailing for Joe's before he pulls it back to his chest, eyes searching wildly for any continuation of Joe's thought path. "And I am scared I will love you for the rest of my life."

"Would that be so bad?" Nicky whispers, just audible over the sound of the water gently lapping at the rocks. Their hands find each other by some accord of their own, the foot of space between them gradually becoming an inch.

"That would be the worst." Nicky's nose bumps into Joe's cheek as their lips collide and Joe sorely wishes he put some treatment on his beard to make it softer but Nicky isn't complaining. Well given his enthusiasm for the kiss Joe can safely assume he isn't anyway.

As he pulls back Nicky laughs lightly, shaking his head with a fond smile. "Clearly."

**Author's Note:**

> As a British person with a fear of fire, I obviously have no idea of the workings of an American firehouse so please let me know of any inaccuracies or suggestions I love replying to comments :) As I have no solid plans for this plot if there's anything you'd like to see please also let me know.


End file.
